I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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