i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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