Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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