it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
