I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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