I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
