but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
