That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
