I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
