Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
