i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize