He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
