i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
