Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
