you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize