In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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