All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
