Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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