at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
