Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
