I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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