Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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