Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
