i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize