Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
...so i touched it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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