this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize