Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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