Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize