it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
