lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
