Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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