real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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