the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
