The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
