The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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