doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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