I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
