I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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