I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The Olympian is in my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
