Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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