dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
