Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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