If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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