my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
