im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
