Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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