I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
