I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
