I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
