im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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