I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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