you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
