His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize