I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
