i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
