Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
