Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
