Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
