Me. At least after what I've been through.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
