you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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