One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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