i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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