Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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