i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
