You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
