Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
