dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
